A quandary.

 

How does one explain to a well-known well-poisoner that the cause of their social isolation is staring at them in the mirror? 

Say, for example, you built an environment that gathered people together and evolved over a couple of decades into a happy, thriving community, all at essentially no cost.

Would you be happy you did something that enriched all those lives, that turned them into more than the sum of their parts? 

Or would you expect to be reliably fawned over, get upset and offended when it didn't always happen, eventually wipe out the whole thing in a fit of pique, then continue to complain after generously being invited into its replacement by those who gathered and made the place anew?

Damn good thing the member list survived, is all I'll say.

The psychological breakdown of this sort of aberrant behaviour is both interesting and topical. Insecurity induced selfishness accounts for a lot, and adding in a constant need for positive reinforcement, approval, validation, etc. is no real reach.

But to also be petty, vindictive, and passive aggressive, nettling people while pretending at victimhood just makes you seem a thorn in everyone's side.

Small wonder they're a pariah- could take their win from the tech money lottery and be content. But no.

Most of the people they're bitching about remain a community at least in part because they weren't so lucky, and benefit from mutual support in times of trouble. Don't think for a moment I'm not one of them, either. A couple years ago during the plague, the UV coating on my eyeglass lenses fragmented. Was like looking through a window spiderwebbed with cracks. Wearing them gave me splitting headaches every single day, and I can't see a damn thing without them. But I hadn't had a job since 2020 when the plague shut everything down- I was flat broke. So a friend from that group sent me a couple hundred bucks. Didn't ask, it just showed up one day.

There's a reason my Christmas/holiday card list is so long. I pay that generosity both back and forward as best I can. Even if it's only a couple times a year, it never hurts to remind people that you're thankful to have them in your life.

This sort of social ostracizing happens when you don't do that.

Or when you don't even know how.

Book Review: "Being Dead Is No Excuse: The official Southern Ladies guide to hosting the perfect funeral", by Gayden Metcalfe and Charlotte Hayes

I’ll start by stating the obvious: This book is about a very different world from mine.  

But a world that is, in its own way, still familiar.

"Being Dead Is No Excuse: The official Southern Ladies guide to hosting the perfect funeral"

The title alone evokes a lot of things, centered around a tradition so insular and severe it borders on self-parody, and after reading... I'm not sure which side of the line it's on.

Now as someone who has been a chef, caterer, and many other things, event planning is not new to me. I’ve done weddings, birthdays, baby showers, book releases, orgies, and plenty of other interesting happenings- but funerals are one I haven't been tapped for. Now I’m not inexperienced with them by any means- I've been to… well, a lot. 

But there's a world of difference between going to one and handling one. You can in theory attend, grieve, and be gone, and think no more of it. However, not everyone does, or even can. To those who live in the Delta (shorthand for a sizeable chunk of the American Deep South), funerals are an experience like no other, one that's not unlike like surfing a wave, or carving down a slope of fresh powder. There's what's historically or traditionally expected, the variables and variations on the theme, and hidden under a thin veneer of Maybe lies the vast potential for comedic catastrophe.

Spoiling the book would be difficult, because so much of it has eased into the cultural subconscious. But if I attempt to add much in the way of detail, the mood will be off and the impact will suffer, so I'll keep it short.

One key component of funerals like this is something the book's authors are very dedicated to: community. It may not be pretty, and it may not even be nice. But it's theirs, and so it's worth fighting for. Not everyone can, will, or even should find their own community in which to thrive. But once you've got one? People do tend to dig in- and this book makes much and more of that tendency to great effect.

Another key made clear this book is Food. Funereal tradition is absolutely awash in food, so there are a lot of recipes in this book- enough that there's an index in the back. While many of these use the term 'recipe' as loosely as has ever been allowed, and quite deliberately so, Being Dead Is No Excuse goes into painstaking detail about the minutiae of the food and drink of the Southern funeral tradition. In no small part this is a cookbook full of funereal foods that could easily lead to a follow-up death- and they won't deny it for a second. Bring on the mayo and the cream of mushroom soup.

What is perhaps the most interesting part of it all is the underlying Christian denominational turf war- but I'll leave it at that because the joy is truly in the telling.

If you want a good laugh in the manner of Noises Off or perhaps My Fair Lady, this will do you right. I had my eyes closed and my face in my hands at many a point. Sometimes from the stories, sometimes from the snacks, but always with a smile.

Book Review: "Baking Yesteryear", by B. Dylan Hollis

Food media has done some Weird Shit in its time- this is known. But the notion of short form cooking with unusual or unexpectedly interesting recipes is about as common and timeless as it gets (or as much so as the internet gets, at least). That said, carving out a niche of one's own while doing something comparatively common is not easy, requiring a vast amount of luck, charisma, and apparently hair gel. 

Friends would reliably send me little clips of this fellow B. Dylan Hollis. I believe my first experience was "Ice Cream Bread", which I thought about for a second and went "Oh, it's going to end up like pound cake!" before hitting play  (I was right, for the record, and it's a pretty good one.) I looked with care, considered the source, and made a point to take notes on any of them I happened to see. Because it might be a gimmick, but it's a solid gimmick.

Random and/or retro recipes are inevitably a roll of the dice- something I know all too well, having no small amount of the same sorts of cookbooks he pulls from for many of his clips, and for much the same reasons. No small part of the fun of those recipes (and in this case watching him) is wondering of what's actually going to happen, and his endearing boyish charm more than covers the rest. He's the strawberry mimosa sort of twink whose hair I want to muss, then grin at the petulantly frazzled result before I pull him onto the couch to cuddle and watch a movie. If he happens to read this... blush away, kid.

But this is less about his online presence and more about his first book. Not too long before his second one will come out (it's due in May of this year) I decided to pull Baking Yesteryear from the library's shelf and give it a proper look. Yes, I'm a little late to the party, but that's the usual for a poverty-stricken professional like me. Besides, it's not like the recipes are new! Everything in the book is 20th century, and cuts out in the 80s somewhere. There's no real rush- they'll keep a little longer!

The intensity and enthusiasm Hollis has for desserts comes through in near every sentence of the book as readily as it does in his innumerable cooking and baking video clips. In his own words: "it dawned on me that each recipe writer was, in their own way, simply trying to share something that made them feel good... the sharing of a dessert and how to make it was an exercise in sharing happiness." It has the ring of truth to it, and contrived or not, brand or not, it's delightfully charming and as endearing as can be. 

His mien is more or less 'Favorite Grandson goes through Grandma's cookbooks as saucily as if he were a guest on The Golden Girls'. So... me, with more glitter and pizazz but far less precision and expertise. He himself also notes “I’ve often said I’m perhaps one of the only well-known food creators on the internet who hasn’t a clue what he’s doing”.

...I had to pause for a moment there and just laugh. 

And laugh and laugh and laugh. 

Such a dear sweet innocent boy. Small wonder his earnest words ring true!

Before the culinary trip through time begins though, there's a note or two. The recipes break from modern convention and call for salted butter unless otherwise specified. Recall that refrigeration is a 20th century thing, and remained somewhat rare till midcentury. Given butter's consistent expense, it was commonly sold salted to ensure longer shelf life. 

Hollis also hedges his bets here by offering terminology, common ingredients, measurement conversions, and his default cookie scoop (It's a #60, if you were wondering. Mine's a #50- I like them a little bigger.) as well as a superlative pie crust recipe and a basic vanilla buttercream frosting. Those last two likely in case some of the potential components of the recipes as written seem a touch too intimidating or equipment-prohibitive (Not everyone owns a candy thermometer or stand mixer, after all!). He mentions by name the Boiled Frosting, which sounds equal parts complicated and outlandish until you read it- it's basically just Swiss Meringue. Tricky, yes, but not outlandish at all. 

Baking Yesteryear's recipes go through most of the 20th century, decade by decade beginning with the 1900s. Every decade begins with no small amount of stage-setting, sprinkled with personal anecdotes, historical miscellany, and other cleverness to keep you reading and put you in the proper frame of mind for the time and place. Each is as unique as the recipes and circumstances from which they came, and read hungrily.

There are three sections that aren't decades though.

Dates: Something he adores but never seems to get enough of.

No-Bake: Because there were enough of them to justify a separate category.

Worst of the Worst: Explains itself, really. Whooooooo boy.

Bereft of ego, I'm probably one of the best possible people to review this sort of book. I know exactly what Dylan's talking about, where it's coming from, where his approach is coming from, and how to approach it. On every relevant level I understand the subtext- including how to jumble subtext right.

For someone who didn't do food for a living until now, he did a damn fine job with this book. The recipes are clear, succinct, and none too complicated. The concept is sound, the execution stellar, and the voice underneath as clear as can be. It's a good solid read that takes a lot of old things and brings them out of mothballs into the light again. It might not be everyone's cup of tea, and it's not the most useful as a practical cookbook, but as a compiled reference text, coffee table book, and way to get in touch with Grandma, it's a fine work indeed.