Book Draft Writing Sample

Over the last year or two, I have been writing a guide to the various facets of household management. It emphasizes the requisite mindset and approach in addition to the practical techniques, and has proven to be quite useful on a regular basis- there's nothing like teaching things to make you think about them more thoroughly, after all.

Here is a partial sample of one section:

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On Cleaning and Cleanliness:

There are many facets to the cleaning of the house. While each room may have its own details, foibles and curiosities that require special attention, the basics should remain the same for the given region of the world you live in. There is no framework that is both precise and adaptable enough to be effective worldwide, so this section will be slightly broader-brush. Standard practices are fairly universal though, and will be noted first.

General Cleaning

Vacuuming, sweeping, or mopping of floors should happen weekly, with any movable rugs, mats, or other floor décor cleaned alongside. Door handles and the surrounding area should be cleaned monthly, as should light switches and exposed light fixtures, with the first two placing emphasis on removal of grime from daily human contact, the last mainly for spiderwebs, dust, and other interlopers. Staircases possess many corners and are prime targets for dust and dirt deposits, so they should be kept clear whenever possible. The banister should be wiped weekly with a damp sponge or soft cloth.

In a house with pets, these measures may requite supplementation, or a shortening of the recommended duration between cleanings. There will be an independent section regarding household animals with additional information and advisories. If the house has central vacuum equipment installed, there should theoretically be nowhere it cannot reach, but that should be checked. If necessary, a secondary vacuum or handheld 'dustbuster' can be kept on hand in case there is something that needs to be done quickly in an isolated area of the house. More mundane, nonpowered tools should be kept on hand as well, particularly in times and places where electricity may be unreliable or not present. They should include brooms, mops, dustpans, buckets, and a small stack of folded clean towels of varying sizes for scrubbing, as well as sponges or other, smaller scrubbing and spot-cleaning tools, specialized to the needs of the locale.

Toilet and Washroom

Bathroom cleanliness is hugely important in any environment at all, but doubly so in one's own home where guests might discover lax standards. The primary and most obvious concerns are the toilet, sink or sinks, and bathtub or shower. The toilets and sinks are to be scrubbed weekly with the tools and cleaning supplies of choice, and the shower or bath given a thorough cleaning monthly. Said tools and supplies may vary widely depending on the make and model of the appliances. A fiberglass shower, for example, will require a very different treatment for soap scum buildup than a tiled one, and a shower curtain over a bathtub will take different treatment for mold than a sliding glass door. The appropriate cleaning chemicals are to be stored nearby, ideally beneath the primary bathroom sink or in accompanying cabinetry or shelving.

When selecting cleaning supplies be sure to read the primary ingredients carefully, as many of them may be harmful if unknowingly or carelessly mixed. Bleach may clean and disinfect quite well, but most common glass cleaners use ammonia as a primary ingredient, and the combination creates lethal chlorine gas. Many other cleaners are caustic on both sides of the pH scale, and if under pressure can even be explosive. The importance of adequate ventilation during cleaning cannot be emphasized enough, as most appropriately vigorous cleaning agents are easily capable of harming the user before they notice, even when the directions on the packaging are followed to the letter.

Depending on how frequently the rooms see usage the period between cleanings may be adjusted, but the listed periods between maintenance will serve as a baseline. Cursory examinations of the bathrooms should be done to confirm impending need when collecting towels and bathmats or other linens such as bedsheets for laundering.

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That section continues at length into the minutiae of washrooms, laundry, kitchens, dining areas, and vehicles.

So as you see, the approach is geared towards basic functionality and thorough understanding rather than rote motion and action. The goal in developing this sort of expertise is not to have an environment free of difficulties. Entropy always wins. Instead, it should be to build an environment wherein mitigations are sufficient, preparations are thorough, and responses to unexpected or uncommon occurrences are not needlessly confusing or complex- the better to reduce stress and difficulty for all parties while remaining suitably functional, active, and aware in the act of coexistential service.

Dressing Up Desserts

 

By and large people are okay with box mixes when it comes to desserts. This is known. Now, there are levels of quality in them that can vary just as widely as if you were baking from scratch, but that's usually not a super big issue. If you're baking from ten-kilo bags of cake mix, your customers probably know what they're getting and don't really care. 

For the home kitchen, box baking is a serious timesaver and sometimes an eleventh hour salvation, but it's also something we all know about. So for amateur and professional alike, a great deal of home baking is about subverting expectations, and making things that come from boxes not look (or taste) like they came from boxes!

For that, we turn to flavor combinations, which for me come in tiers based on their intrusion factor with the recipe.

• Is it a flavor addition? Extracts, ground herbs or spices, sometimes liquid substitutions. Unlikely to affect baking time/temp.
• Is it a flavor and texture addition? A little more complex, things like nuts or fruit. Might affect baking time/temp.
• Is it a flavor, texture, and visual addition? Like the previous, but also designed to deliberately alter how the finished product looks. Often involves garnishes. Likely affects baking time/temp.

Now all three of those have their advantages and dangers, and they can be combined in varying measures to greater or lesser effect. Let's break them down with some examples using a neutral medium- say... a generic Yellow Cake Mix.

Flavor Addition: Might not change the look enough that people would notice... until they taste it.

• Extracts like almond, coconut, or citrus in lieu of the standard vanilla.
• Liquid in such mixes is usually water. Consider orange or apple juice. Earl Grey tea. A little orange blossom or rosewater, perhaps.
• The box might ask for neutral oil- could always brown some butter instead. Coconut oil works too, and any oil you'd use could be infused with spices ahead of time and cooled.
• Spices and powders. Ever ground up some freeze-dried fruit and mixed it into the dry ingredients? I have! Into the frosting, too!  

Consider- cardamom, browned butter, a dash of orange blossom water? Suddenly a cake might evoke gulab jamun. Perhaps instead some nutmeg and a splash of bourbon extract, and the cake might bring eggnog to mind. Even a bit further still- coconut oil, pineapple juice, coconut and rum extracts, mix powdered sugar and lime juice for a glaze, and we're in piña colada land. The possibilities are vast, and their presence can often be hidden till the first bite. 

Flavor and Texture Addition: People will notice when they take a bite.

• Coarsely chopped nuts, maybe some toasted coconut. Mix in, match with an extract, and you have a completely different, distinctly themed and flavorful cake.
• Dried fruit such as cherries, or chopped candied items like ginger.
• Minced or grated fresh tasties, such as apple, peach, pineapple, even carrot or beet.
• Chocolate/other chips or sprinkles. Simple but effective.

I've done dried cherries when making cake with lemon zest and lemonade- delicious! Also, there's always Carrot Cake, wherein people add all sorts of things, but I usually keep to grated carrot, maybe a little grated apple if I have it on hand too. A little texture, a little flavor, a little more fun.

Flavor, Texture, and Visual Addition: This thing doesn't look like it could have come from a box.

• Sliced fruit on the presentation side. Pineapple Upside-Down Cake, anyone? Works with apples, pears, peaches, and most sturdy fruit. Layer it prettily in the bottom of your pan (maybe atop some greased parchment to be sure it comes away clean), pour the batter over, and bake away. Invert, serve, enjoy!
• Baking tin variations. Bundt? Cupcake? Square? Whatever! Or do a thin rectangular sheet cake and break out cookie cutters for single-serving layer cakes. Or go even thinner and try to make it a roll cake! That's one tough though, I don't recommend it if you haven't had some practice.
• Icing, Frosting, or Glaze. Learning the magic of a piping bag and a suitable tip takes an hour of practice, and adds so much. Or even simpler- imagine the generic yellow cake with some minced candied ginger, but then topped by a glaze of powdered sugar and lemon juice. Striking!
• Stencils. Cut some stars out of a paper plate, and dust powdered sugar over it. Immediate visual improvement from an unexpectedly simple source.
• Crunch! Sprinkle a little white sugar on top and torch it till it's amber and glassy like a crème brulée.
• Toppings! Ganache, caramel, jam, marmalade, marshmallow, whatever you want- then something solid on that so it stays in place. Candied nuts, chocolate chips, basically anything you'd have put in a cake can go on a cake. Using toppings to clue people in on the cake's flavors is also a common and welcome thing.

So you see, taking a box mix and making it look like something special is easily within the means of almost anyone who'd be baking the cake in the first place. Experiment, explore, and enjoy!

Every time it looms, I have to consider.

I am no stranger to loss, pain, or death. I have seen them at every distance, and in almost every way.

Blades, bullets, surgeries, biotoxins, brawls, riptides, hurricanes, cancer, house fires, armed break-ins, attempted muggings, explosions, broken bones, dog maulings, bears, wildcats, rattlesnakes, lynch mobs, and being burned at the stake… let’s just say there isn’t much left for me to survive.

To mourn inevitable death is folly- instead be aggrieved at that which all too often comes before. With age and illness often come the loss of so much of what makes so many people what they are. That is what should be mourned. To still be the same inside, but to have lost the mechanisms to live as one might wish? Or as might have been earned?

Few things indeed are any worse, to my mind. But with the failure of physical faculty comes both introspection and a painful clarity. I have no wish to grow old, frail, or forgotten. Nor, in truth, should such even be possible. Efforts to provably better the world oblige better than that. Yet the same world would take those near and dear as easily as those far and forgotten. Evenhanded, perhaps, but never fair. With that unfairness comes anger. But anger at what?

Regrets? Always. Nearly never from choices made, but from those unjustly denied. Why? Simple.

Self-expression? Comfort? Happiness?

They’re privileges.

They have requirements. Qualifications.

Most people don’t, won’t, or can’t meet them.

Those who do? We die with regrets because our due was unjustly, unfairly taken by whose who don’t.

Absurdity in Eater, yet again.

I swear, it's like every time I look at a food related publication I see another mess to get annoyed about. This is about an blurb of someone's trick for finding solid takeout sushi. That tells you plenty about what you're dealing with.

 I'll link the article, but here are the highlowlights.

"While in a different place, I can’t be certain that their go-to order isn’t priced to scam tourists or being sourced from a sketchy ghost kitchen."

First off, who orders takeout sushi? Next- if you're worried about being scammed? Too late. If you're worried about a ghost kitchen? Probably didn't plan your travel well. Unwilling to extend a measure of trust to something you're putting into your body? Well... assumption of risk is a legal mess for lots of reasons.

"But I’ve perfected my method of seeking out a great takeout sushi restaurant by looking at the one menu item I will never actually order: the California roll."

Ugh. This is followed by comparing the California Roll discrepancies to the Big Mac Index, which I also take somewhat significant issue with, but don't want to dive into without more time to get some notes in order.

Yes, if you find a California Roll on a sushi menu, I wouldn't recommend ordering it- but that's because it's not real. The original California Roll used crab and fatty tuna. The reasons its current incarnation exists are that Uramaki (the inside-out roll) was developed to hide the presence of nori that was throwing off Western palates/dining sensibilities, and so that it could help ensure more consistent availability of ingredients, since surimi and avocado have less of a 'season'. In times past, that worked quite well, but massive lateral worldwide demand for avocado in the subsequent decades has caused prices to jump, transport to be less consistent, and quality to suffer. That's why the Cali Roll is looked at as naught worth noting, and also part of why it still exists in prominence- it's too culturally familiar to fade away uncontested, and lingers like a bad smell on a hot day.

"But to the owners of the everyday, common takeout spots: What is going through your minds when charging 10 whole, crisp American dollars for a single California roll? The star ingredient of this roll is imitation crab meat, for crying out loud. It’s not exactly a shining beacon of quality and taste"

The surimi industry is surprisingly dedicated to disproving that. If somebody hasn't had the good stuff, that's a them problem, not an us problem. If they want to get better informed, they'll get better informed- so they probably won't. Yes, a nontrivial amount of the stuff isn't super great, but if a sushi joint is worth its vinegar, you'll never notice. This sort of inflammatory blather is why there's cheap stuff in the first place! If the uninformed would just stop talking, the need to placate them would disappear, and so would most all of the lower quality product!

What's happening here is the mistaken assumption that something like this should be affordable, but not "~~cheap~~". The correct response is simple and universal: Irrespective of quality, prepared food is a luxury item- behave (and be willing to spend) accordingly.