"Butter Pecan: Best Cookies in the Bay" - ? Let's See.

 

Any time I see an establishment "Best XYZ in (region)", I'm rightly skeptical. 

I've lived in Philly, and saw that claim argued between plenty of cheesesteak places- they've all got similar signs on their windows staking that claim, and will defend that honor with a brash and uncompromising fervor that does Gritty proud.

I've lived in New England, where chowdah, clam cakes, and fried calamari are the subjects of debate heated enough to make people forget about the reliably miserable winters.

I grew up in Jersey. I've literally seen (and been thrown into) fistfights over pizza opinions. And don't even ask me what my favorite diner is.

So yeah. I see 'the best' and my first reaction is to call BS.

Enter 'Butter Pecan'. I first saw this place driving home one day and had a few immediate thoughts: They're probably going to be expensive, fairly simple, and might have some sort of gimmick. But, if they can keep a storefront open on cookies alone, they've got to be pretty good. Or they do corporate catering. Or both.

So I went to find out more. The Hollis Street branch was empty at 2:30 on a Wednesday. Not necessarily a surprise, and a point that made me think they do a lot of catering. 

(Relatedly, most desserts are easy money when it comes to that. All sorts of handheld individual desserts are no trouble to batch, and many also freeze well in various states of readiness, so day to day it can be as easy as chiller, sheet tray, oven, box, done.)

I looked at the pricing and was immediately vindicated in my price worry. 3.75 a pop. Twenty-one dollars gets you six, and thirty-six dollars gets you a dozen. That sort of price point leads quite readily to catering being the backbone of the operation. Being sans a day job at the moment (though open for catering, consulting, and all manner of things), I went with the 6-pack to stay within reason (that's more than my entire weekly budget for food). They have ten varieties as their baseline offerings, and a couple more that change month to month. Some are classic combinations like 'Dark Chocolate Sea Salt', and most others are cookie incarnations of other desserts, like 'Strawberries and Cream' and 'Banana Pudding'.

Now I'll be the first to admit it- I do not like nuts or nut pieces in cookies. Or in my desserts at all, really. Ground up for almond or hazelnut 'flour'? Sure. Marzipan? Love it. But if you put peanuts in my peanut butter cookies, expect me to be a little grouchy.

But the place's name is Butter Pecan, so for integrity, and for science, I went for it anyway. Got one of those, plus two of the Dark Chocolate Sea Salt, a Birthday Cake, a Cookies and Cream, and an Oatmeal Raisin Pecan.

The cookies themselves are fairly large, between 90 and 110 grams each. Yes, I weighed them when I got home. I take my job seriously, thank you. Then I split most of them in half to share with my beau, and got to nibbling.

I'm not going to get into too much detail about the flavors, but they all do the things they say they'll do, and do them quite well. Their baking technique appears solid, they're all slightly underbaked to maximize gooiness, and while their butter tastes quite high quality (and quantity!), they don't brown the butter first except when it's listed (one of their staples is Brown Butter Pecan).

Butter Pecan says "Best cookies in the Bay", and after trying them, I can't immediately argue. They're pretty damn good cookies. Price-wise they're definitely the Five Dollar Shake of the cookie world so I'm not likely to make these regular purchases, but I'd readily and happily endorse it for people with the disposable income to go for it once in a while.

...Wait- crap! I can't even USE that reference any more, can I? A shake at any fast-casual chain is probably way more than five dollars now. Even a large at Jack In The Box is about that much. Oof!

Chili crunch is older and better than David Chang.

 

That's all that needs to be said, really. Dude tried to claim "Chile Crunch", two words that describe a sizeable array of products with history in many parts of Asia, as a trademark of the Momofuku product line.

So, branding is a common horror, and taglines aren't new concepts either. The common pattern is a notion of "what it is, and what it does", whether the phrase is literal, figurative, or ironic. "Think Different", for example. That one from Apple got some serious mileage but also took no small amount of heat- particularly when Gandhi showed up as an example in their ad. Imagine the uproar if they'd also put in the Dalai Lama like they'd planned!

But how many things can you think of that use some variant of the word 'chili'? 

How many more that use 'crunch'?

Momofuku inexplicably owns the rights to the term “chile crunch” (spelled with an “e”, you know, like the country), as noted in a 2023 trademark from the US Patent and Trademark Office. This, to my mind, is a staggeringly unethical breach of linguistic protocol, using technicalities and semantics to put a thumb in the eye of 'truth in advertising' law and open up a massive profiteering exploit, made abundantly clear as Momofuku started selling licenses to others. They created an artificial chokepoint! 

Recently, Momofuku also filed for another trademark, this time to 'protect' chile crunch on a broader scale, expanding its territory to chili oils and seasonings, as well as taking swings at alternative spellings. Chile? Chili? Chilli? Talk about overreach.

I can't imagine how they managed to get such a thing approved in the first place. Did they want a brand identifier? Just add the notorious Momofuku name in front and I doubt anywhere near as many people would be complaining- but to keep it deliberately vague, using common descriptors that have decades of history on supermarket shelves? And then take swings at other businesses via Cease and Desist orders? It's clearly an attempt to cut off competitors' ability to openly access, use, and riff on an extremely common product.

Whose palms got greased to make this nonsense happen? I'd love to know.

This ham-handed shot at creating a rigidly defined proprietary product for the Momofuku brand -while deliberately avoiding the name or adding anything distinctive- has managed to aggressively highlight it anyway- and then drag that name straight into the mud where it belongs.

This probably won't sink Momofuku, but it's a solid hit that hopefully does some lasting damage.